Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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