you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
