i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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