Little spoons don't ask big questions
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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