There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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