it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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