Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
