what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
