so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
