I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
