if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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