just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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