I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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