Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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