i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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