I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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