He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
