that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
