I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
