I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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