I wish I could teleport
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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