The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
