I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
