You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
