Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
