I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
