the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
