he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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