you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
