We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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