hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
