did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
