Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
