I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
