I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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