Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
