she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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