no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
