Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
