Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
