They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you win again, gameday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
