I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
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