If i come over, it means nothing
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
