It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
