So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
