i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
