a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
