you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
