I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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