What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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