I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
