It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I think my nap took me to another dimension
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
