Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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