3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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