totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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