Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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