you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
