theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He shit in the fireplace
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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