For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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